Friday the 13th 'Spoilers': Review

Last October I posted a number of spoilers basically describing Jason's kill list in chronological order. Let's see how the list held up, shall we?

[From October ]

• [B+] Don't expect this to be an origin story. They're skipping the appetizers and going right for the main course, focusing mainly on the timeline that would have technically fallen between 13th's 2-4.
  
• [A-] The supernatural aspect of Jason is all but gone. He is still exceptionally strong and he runs a lot more often than we've gotten used to, but if you want to know how he really gets around so fast -Jason has somehow taken the time to dig out huge underground tunnels to allow for quicker access to different areas of the woods.
  
• [C+] Ah, that hockey mask! Making it's debut in part 3, Jason takes the mask from a practical joker who, ironically, used it tend pretend to be a killer to scare the pants off of a girl he was, ironically, trying to get out of her pants. makes his way back from the woods with a hefty cargo of weed, he retires inside for a little 'barn burning' (if you know what I mean). As he puts on this strangely familiar hockey mask, he sees Mr. Voorhees descending from the second floor. Not missing a beat, he exclaims, "You're the one stealing all the kerosene!...Oh no! You can have it!... You don't need that man!...Put it away!" After a quick decapitation, Jason grabs the mask and examines it [END SCENE]. As iconic as a scene this would have been, they don't even bother showing him slip the mask on for the first time, they just move on. The crowd would go nuts! I definitely hope they re-think that decision. Though he does start with that stylish sack-head look from part 2, Jason decides to upgrade when he 'borrows' the mask from a redneck stoner. As Toke-em-up Joe
• The thing that Jason does best (except for Guitar Hero) is rack up a body count. Want to know the who's & how's? Well, we've got them right here:
  

1. [A+] Guy dies by a machete to the neck area after finding a bush of weed.
2. [A+] Girl is put into a sleeping bag and tied above the campfire, suffocating and burning her, though it was probably more the asphyxiation than the fire that killed her. She falls out of the sleeping back and to the right of the fire.
3. [A+] Boyfriend of redhead chick gets pulled into the floor of the Voorhees cabin after being stabbed in the foot and hand from below as he's crawling across the floor.
4. [A+] Boyfriend of the sleeping bag girl, while trying to save her, gets caught in a bear trap. Redhead appears and tries to save him, but Jason runs up from behind and sticks his machete vertically into his head. He runs towards redhead, swings and fade to black...[OPENING TITLE]. ***At this point the main cast is shown arriving a large, expensive cabin.
5. [B-] Stoner redneck death [from mask acquisition]. Takes place in a barn workshop or something. Jason grabs his head, decapitates him, takes the mask off the head and looks at it.
6. [A+] Arrow through the head of the guy driving the speedboat that's pulling a topless blonde chick as she water skis or something.
7. [A+] Water skiing girl gets hit by the speedboat but lives. She goes under the dock and see's Jason walking above. He turns away and we see her kinda relax and then -a machete into her brain. Jason pulls her up for a corny reveal of her fake boobs and pulls the machete out of her head, letting her fall back into the water.
8. [A+] Chewie (Aaron Yoo) gets killed by a rod into the throat in the tool shed.
9. [A+] Token black guy goes out to look for Chewie only to meet Jason. He runs away after hitting Jason a few times only to get an axe thrown into his back. He screams for help but his friends in the cabin don't respond.
10. [A] Blonde chick with the ONLY real set of boobs, gets grabbed from behind by Jason in the bathroom. He holds her mouth closed and pinches her nose, suffocating her. Then sticks her on the coat hanger on the door.
11. [A+] Police officer gets a fire poker through the eye, sticking him to the front door.
12. [A] Guy that did it with blonde chick with real boobs gets macheted from behind through the back and chest as he's checking who is in the truck that almost hit him. Jason throws him onto the back of the truck and he gets hauled off in a crucifix position with his feet dragging on the ground.
13. [A] After finding the redhead, her bro and brown haired chick try to escape through the tunnel below the Voorhees cabin. Brown haired chick gets stabbed multiple times through her back right when she's about to exit the whole in the wall.
14. [A+] Jason "dies" after the redhead and her brother tie a chain around his neck and throw the other end into a wood grinder or chipper. Jason's neck snaps.

• [A+] So, how does end? Well, somehow they drag Jason's body to the lake, push him into the lake without the mask, then the main guy kicks the mask into the lake. Redhead drops the necklace with the picture of Jason's mom into the water. Jason does his Kool-Aid guy impression by busting through the wooden dock and it fades to black as he grabs the redhead.

Overall, I'd say it was pretty accurate; not a lot of changes. I'm sorry if the spoilers ruined the movie for anyone, but that IS why they are called "spoilers".

Posted in: HORROR