"Blood Diner- First they greet you, then they eat you!"

Ahhh, the 80's. When horror movies weren't just a bunch of creepy kids and uninspired remakes. Sure, John Carpenter's "The Thing" was a remake, but that was one of the best movies ever made, Carpenter went to the original source material and made it his own. In the 80's, horror movies could be anything they wanted to be, in some cases a comedy, and in some cases, some of the craziest $#&! I have ever seen. Which brings me to 1987's "Blood Diner".
Having grown up in the 80's, and loving horror movies, I thought I had seen it all. I used to scour my local video store, (until Blockbuster put them out of business, then I went there) watching each and every one. From "Last House on the Left", to "House", to "The Stuff", I thought there were no surprises left until I was checking out my On Demand and saw "Blood Diner".
The description said it was a tribute to Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Blood Feast", and it featured "Naked Kung Fu", and that was all I needed to hear, so I sat back and gave it a look.
It's really difficult to describe this film because it's just so bat poop crazy, but it basically tells the story of two brothers- Michael and George who own a vegetarian restaurant. When they're not working, they're resurrecting their dead, serial killer Uncle Anwar and putting his brain in a jar. They also saved his penis for some reason. Also, it's not vegetarian dishes they're serving, nope, it's human flesh. Really, if you're going to set up a front for serving dead people to people would a vegetarian restaurant be you first choice? Those people are gonna know, man!
Turns out Uncle Anwar needs his nephews' help resurrecting a 2 million year old Goddess named "Sheetar" for a "Blood Buffet". The loyal nephews set out killing women and using the various parts to construct a body for Sheetar. This leads to a naked aerobic massacre, dismemberment, and yes, some naked kung fu.
There is just so much going on in this movie, I don't want to say anymore because you really should see it for yourself. A woman gets her head pushed into a deep fryer, and she's running around and bumping into things with her head looking like a giant jalapeno popper! Sorry, I had to share that one.
Directed by Jackie Kong, who also helmed "The Underachievers" and "Night Patrol", (which looks to be a shameless, sexed up rip-off of "Police Academy"), and starring no one you ever heard of, "Blood Diner" is a classic. Yes, it is seriously one of the most entertaining movies I have seen in a long time. You just can't take your eyes off it, wondering what's going to happen next.
Now for the bad news, this little gem is not available on DVD in the U.S. You can only get it from a company in Germany called Dragon, and it's rare. I just checked, and there is only one copy on ebay and it's up to almost $30. So buy it, or get the VHS copy, check On Demand, write your congressman, do whatever it takes because "Blood Diner" is worth it.

Internet Rumor Alert: The Three Stooges

Variety is reporting that the Farrelly Brothers are set to direct "The Three Stooges" starring Jim Carrey, Benecio Del Toro (!) and Sean Penn (!!). Del Toro will star as Moe, Penn will star as Larry and Carrey will gain 40 lbs to star as Curly. Early April Fool's Day joke? We'll see.

Supposedly, Penn is studying with voiceman Billy West. The movie won't be a biopic, rather it will be an actual Three Stooges comedy. This is going to be a disaster.

ANIMATION MONDAY

FREAKY ROBOTS: THE GREAT DEBATE


TEEN GIRL SQUAD: EPISODE 1


SETH MCFARLANE'S 'THE BARTENDER SAYS...'

GUITAR HERO GREATEST HITS

I know there are plenty of you out there who wish that the creators of Guitar Hero: World Tour had gotten on the ball a lot sooner with the whole four person ensemble format, so that you could have enjoyed all the classic songs from the first releases the same way. Well, don't fret (get it?) because Activision is hard at work to bring you Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits -a compilation of the all of all the fan favorites from Guitar Hero 1-3 and Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80's.

On the downside there is no doubt that there will be a handful of great songs that will slip through the cracks of this 'best of' offering, but I'm sure that the final playlist (of 48 songs) will have more than enough to keep you sated, plus whatever downloadable content may come later. All of the modes from World Tour will be in the package, including eight player online battle of the bands, the Guitar Hero music studio, the rockstar creator and, of course, career mode. As an added incentive Greatest Hits will be turning away from the 'cover tracks' they used the first time out and utilizing master tracks for the new game. This, along with the newer features from WT (improved hammer-ons, pull-off mechanics, sustained notes, three-note chords, the touch-sensitive slide bar, the addition of Bass Guitar tracks) means that the note play for each song will play differently than in the first offerings. So, if you think you've already mastered all the songs, think again.
Though no official playlist has been released at this time, eight songs have been confirmed: "Them Bones" by Alice in Chains, Queen's "Killer Queen," "Nothin' But A Good Time" by Poison, Rage Against The Machine's "Killing in the Name," "I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sister, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts's "I Love Rock N Roll," Heart's "Barracuda." and Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames!" (The monster track from GH3). Expect Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits (or GH:GH) to be available for Wii, Xbox 360, PS3 and PS2 this June.

DVD releases for Mar. 31st, 2009

TOP PICKS:
- Marley & Me (2-Disc Bad Boy Edition)
- The Real Ghostbusters: Volume 1
- Slumdog Millionaire

OTHER RELEASES:
- Baby Einstein: World Music
- The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations
- California Dreams: Seasons 1 & 2
- Goosebumps: Return of the Mummy
- Goosebumps: The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight
- Handy Manny: Manny's Green Team
- Hannah Montana: Keeping It Real
- Hope & Faith: Season 1
- In Plain Sight: Season One
- Marley & Me (Single-Disc)
- The Other End of the Line
- Pokemon: Giratina and the Sky Warrior
- Ricky Gervais Out of England: The Stand-up Special
- Schoolhouse Rock!: Earth
- Seven Pounds
- Strawberry Shortcake: Berry Big Journey
- Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea: Season Four, Volume One
- Xombie: Dead on Arrival

COOL BLU-RAY RELEASES:
- The Matrix 10th Anniversary Edition
- Pitch Black